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The Divorce Announcement….Free Delivery the Next Day!

The Wall Street Journal recently ran an article about the Bezos divorce (like who hasn’t). But the slant on this article was a far cry from the  usual “who- done-it-and-don’t-spare-the-details.  In “The Art of The Public Divorce Announcement,” published on January 11, 2019, author Elizabeth Bernstein discussed what she called navigating social media, and the point was very well taken. Yes, the rich are different than most others, and in being so different, it was clearly important to Mr. Bezos that he try to downplay what ultimately appears to have been the demise of the marriage.  Such an announcement, according to Rachel Zamore, a marriage and family therapist quoted in the article, permits divorcing couples to say, “This is the tone and this is the story.  You don’t have to fill in the blanks.”  For the Bezos family, that was sadly left to the National Inquirer.

But I was thinking, the Bezoses may be on to something. ( I wish I’d thought that when Mr. Bezos started Amazon, but, alas, that ship has sailed.)  Perhaps this could be the prelude to a potential new cottage industry, namely, the Divorce Announcement.

Just think about it. We have engagement announcements, wedding announcements, birth announcements, retirement announcements, promotion announcements. It seems to follow that we should also have Divorce Announcements.   Image the possibilities, along with retaining an attorney, divorcing couples could also make their selection of the appropriate divorce announcement.

The wording might take some time.  The Bezos announcement was clearly well thought out.  However, unfortunately, since most couples who are divorcing cannot agree on anything, it might be virtually impossible for them to agree to the wording for the divorce announcement.  Since I do enjoy writing  that does not begin “Comes now the Petitioner…” I am sure I could assist any future clients who may want to follow the Bezos trend and issue a divorce announcement.   Perhaps, instead of the initial filing of the divorce,  divorcing couples will wish to announce the actual event of the divorce after they have settled (hopefully) their case.  With that in mind, I created the following hypothetical prose for such an occasion:

Mr. and Mrs. Maximillian Moneybucks

Announces With the Utmost of Disdain

The occasion of their pending divorce on

Thursday, the 14th of February, 2019

At Nine O’clock in the Morning

                Room 1180

The Broward County Courthouse

 

 Two Post divorce champagne receptions immediately following:

The Tower Club for Heidi Moneybucks

And aboard the “I Kept the Yacht” for Maximillian Moneybucks.

RSVP: our respective attorneys- Regrets only

Now I, personally, am a bit old-school, and would opt for a printed announcement perhaps in a silk laminate or a classy vellum, with engraved wording.

And then, of course, there’s the delivery of the announcement… Jeff and MacKenzie used social media.  Well the Bezoses got that wrong. You’d  thought he’d use the obvious….delivered the next day!

 

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